The Christmas Shoes
by BehindTheseWalls
Summary: Based on the movie "The Christmas Shoes". Knowing it's the last Christmas Tony and Ziva will share as a family, their son sets out to make this the perfect Christmas for his mother.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: After watching the movie by the same title, I felt compelled to write a story along similar lines. It's not the happiest of Christmas stories but I couldn't get the idea out of my head! I hope you guys enjoy it, it's the first multi-chapter fic I have been brave enough to consider posting! I intend to get the whole fic up by Christmas time so I will work hard to get it finished!

The Christmas Shoes

Ziva smiled as she watched her two boys messing around as they hung the decorations on the tree; Tony would disappear behind the 6ft tall fern and reappear wearing two baubles as earrings, and Elijah would creep up behind Tony and toss handfuls of unstrung popcorn down his father's shirt. She laughed under her breath; never did she think she would be one to celebrate Christmas, like, _really_ celebrate it. Since she moved to America she had taken the time to join in the traditions with the rest of her colleagues, to participate in secret Santa, to provide gifts for needy children as the rest of the office did, but she never felt the need to have a tree or decorations like the rest of them, she was happy to stick to her menorah for her 8 day celebration and be done with it. But when she found herself pregnant with Tony's child after an encounter brought on when she had almost lost him to a gunshot, she realized she could no longer hide the feelings she had buried for him and the two of them had made a go of things not only for their child but because they owed it to themselves.

When the little boy had made his appearance in the world almost 10 years ago, the two of them had spent the most time arguing over what to name him. Tony had wanted to carry on the family name and christen the boy "Anthony". Ziva refused saying one Tony was enough and suggested a few traditional Hebrew names. Tony had declined her choices because he could barely pronounce them, let alone spell them, and so they were back to square one. Their colleagues and team mates had all chipped in ideas, but nothing seemed to fit the little guy. It was only when, two days after his birth, Ziva received word that her father had passed away when the vehicle he was travelling in was hit by heavy gunfire that her mind was made. Eli David may not have been the best father but he was _her_ father and she was saddened that her son would never get the chance to know him. She suggested Elijah, not directly after her father but a subtle reminder of who she was and where she came from. Tony of course would have agreed to anything at that point, as long as she was happy he wasn't going to argue, and if he was honest, he liked the name anyway.

The two of them took to parenthood better than anyone could have expected. They just seemed to fall into a routine, they knew when the other needed a break and stepped in and they knew when to stand back and give each other some bonding time. They managed to get a good mix of their cultures into everyday life for their son and as a result, Elijah was now fluent in both English and Hebrew. They celebrated all the Jewish holidays as well as the Christian ones; while Tony wouldn't exactly claim himself to be a practising Christian, he was proud to say his son was well rounded in his world views at such a young age.

"Whadd'ya think mom?" The excited and bubbly tones of her son snapped her out of the daydream she hadn't even realised she was in. He bounded his way to the front of the tree and stood with his hands proudly outstretched directing her attention to the tree with a beaming grin stretched from ear to ear. Ziva glanced up and down the decorated fern; barely a single branch remained clear, there was a light or a bauble or tinsel lining almost every one, some homemade decorations Elijah had crafted over the years in school, others things Tony had bought as gifts to remind her of things that had happened; the glass duck that symbolised the lake house he had taken Ziva to just after she told him she was pregnant; the hotel key card strung on a piece of gold thread, a memento from their first undercover assignment together, the first time Tony knew there would never be a more perfect woman for him; Elijah's tiny ankle band, fastened to him after birth and removed only once he was safely home with his parents; yes, the tree was perfect, completely and utterly over done, it would never win in a prettiest tree decorations contest but that didn't matter because to her it was beautiful.

"It is gorgeous." She smiled. "I have never seen a better tree!" She watched the elation spread across her son's face, he had done this for her and he had made her happy, that was all he cared about. She saw the way his dark eyes flicked up to his father and they shared an unspoken congratulations and a mental high five.

She admired the bond the two of them shared; they had always had something special, even from day one, Tony only had to look at the little boy and he would stop crying and simply stare at his father in awe. Elijah looked up to his father in every way possible. He shared his love of movies and trivia, he followed fashion and style and he certainly had his father's sense of humour. He was always more Tony's son than Ziva's; he took after him in so many ways; while he shared her olive skin, her perfect complexion, those dark, brooding eyes and that glossy black hair, he also had Tony's strong chin, his cheeky smile and that crooked head tilt where he stared you down with those puppy dog eyes until you were putty in his hands; yes, there was no denying he was the son of Anthony DiNozzo.

"It'll look better when there are presents underneath it." Elijah grinned raising his eyebrows.

"Who said you're getting any this year?" Tony asked in a mocking tone.

"Come on Dad, I _have_ to be on the good list this year, I got all my homework done, on time, _including_ extra credit, I read that entire newspaper to Gibbs when he lost his glasses, I stayed late to help Abby clean up her lab after that foam stuff exploded everywhere, I didn't make fun of McGee even when he turned up in that shirt that looked like a cat had rubbed itself all over it, I made you and mom breakfast in bed _and_ I kept my room tidy for a whole month!"

Tony looked down at his boy and laughed.

"Yeah, maybe, but I think you'll find Gibbs didn't lose his glasses, they broke when you sat on them, and Abby only had to clean her lab when you decided to play chemistry genius, I had to spend 3 hours cleaning those pancakes off of the ceiling when you made us breakfast and you were on a school trip for one week of that month and then on vacation for another two so really you only kept your room tidy for a week. I will give you the homework thing, and the jumper thing, I had so many cracks to make about that shirt… what was he thinking?" Tony and Elijah fell into fits of laughter recalling McGee's fashion choice and just as one would compose themselves, they would look to the other and the cycle began all over again.

Ziva sighed; she would miss this more than anything else in the world.

The snow soon began to blanket the streets of Washington D.C. and it truly felt like Christmas was approaching. As Tony made his way into work that morning he was greeted, as he was everyday now, by Abby bouncing around at the elevator.

"How is she? Is she ok? Should I call by later? I should bring something. Would she like soup? Do you need any help with the Christmas plans? How's Elijah? He's doing ok right? He doesn't know yet does he?" She spouted off a list of about 20 questions every morning and every morning Tony gave the same response.

"Abs, everything is fine, I promise you if anything changes I will let you guys know. First. All of you. You're family."

Abby gave a gentle nod and slowly slunk back to her lab. She knew how hard this was for him, at least she thought she did; it was hard for them all so it must have been at least ten times as hard for him, having to sit back and watch the woman you loved with all of your heart deteriorate before your eyes.

Tony made his way to his desk, he could see all eyes were on him but he tried to block it out. He hated it. He hated feeling their pity burn into him, the way they shot him those glances, the sympathetic yet pitying eyes that bore into him. It was bad enough now, he didn't even want to consider the way they would look at him once… he pushed the thought aside, he wasn't ready to admit what was coming, maybe that was why he didn't want to see those looks, to appreciate that they just wanted to help, for now, everything was fine; it had to be.

"Tony, h-"

"She's FINE McGee, just drop it alright!" Tony spat, he hadn't even realised that he had clenched his fist so tight that he had broken the skin on his palm.

McGee stepped back a little shocked, Tony didn't need to look at him to know that pout was etched across his face. He closed his eyes and licked his lips.

"I'm sorry Tim, I just… this is the one place I can get away from it but if everyone keeps on… I'm sorry." Tony shuffled the papers on his desk avoiding eye contact; he was lying and everyone knew it. You couldn't forget something that stared you in the face everyday. That empty desk across from him, _her_ empty desk, it sat there like a cruel and brutal reminder of everything they had lost, which was made ever harder by the fact that she was still there when he got home. The agency had done him the courtesy of not replacing her, at least, not yet, which he was more than grateful for, but he knew when it happened, it wouldn't be long before the empty desk was filled with a new recruit.

"I know." McGee said softly. "I wasn't going to ask… I mean, not that I didn't want to know because I did, we all do but I was actually… uh…" he trailed off; the whole situation was difficult for everyone to deal with, he was terrified of putting his foot in it. Tony twisted his head and looked at the agent standing before him. He widened his eyes as if to tell him to hurry up. "Uh… I just wanted to know if you managed to file that paperwork with the local P.D.?" he asked tentatively.

"Yeah McGee, I did it." Tony sighed. Normally that sentence would have dripped with belittlement, like it was such an obvious answer, but ever since she left, all that seemed to edge his tone was sadness and confusion. The only time he really seemed happy was with his son.

McGee slowly stepped towards Tony and looked down at the agent who had in every way been his superior from day one, he had admired Tony, not that he'd ever tell him that, but the man was great at his job, he was good with people, he was an excellent investigator and, though you might take a few jibes and pranks, when it came down to it, he was a good friend; to see him like this, a shell of the man he once was, was difficult, and everyone was sick of just standing back and watching it happen.

"You know nobody would think any less of you if you took some time out." McGee spoke softly.

Tony tilted his head and looked at McGee; there was so much anger in his eyes, such venom in that one look that ordinarily McGee would have stepped back, backed away in fear maybe, but not now, no, he had grown since those days and he knew Tony was only fronting his own fear over loosing someone so precious to him.

"I'm not trying to upset you," He admitted. "I just think you need to know these things."

McGee stared Tony down in silence for a few seconds before he watched his face soften, the anger fade, leaving behind the shattered man he had come to know recently.

Tony nodded.

"I know." He whispered. "Thanks McGee."

McGee opened his mouth and hesitated. They all wanted to know a lot of things but they didn't ask out of politeness, out of respect, but they all knew time was of the essence now.

"Tony," he began, unsure how to phrase it; being a writer meant he had a certain way with words but things were a lot easier on a typewriter when you could go back and edit things, things didn't work that way in real life, once he said it he couldn't ever take it back, he needed to get it right. "Uh, you know we all love Ziva, we all want the chance to… um… we… I guess what we want to know is… when… wh-"

"I get it McGee." Tony cut him off. McGee breathed a silent sigh of relief; he didn't want to have to say the words so for once he was grateful to let Tony interrupt him. "The doctor says this is the last Christmas she will see; he thinks she will be lucky to see the New Year. If you want to say your goodbyes, you need to do it sooner rather than later." His voice was so calm, so blunt; it was like he was delivering facts, which in a way he was. McGee considered that maybe he hadn't dealt with the news yet, that maybe he was side shelving it for Elijah's sake, but the quiver of Tony's hand, the way his foot was bobbing up and down below his desk gave away the true devastation he was feeling.

McGee brought his hand to his face, rubbing his fingers across his mouth and then chin, mostly to stop the audible gasp from escaping his lips. He couldn't lie and pretend that he hadn't expected this news, it had been a long time coming, but now that it really was a reality it didn't make it any easier to digest. McGee swallowed the lump in his throat that threatened to spill a wealth of emotion he had suppressed since it happened because he knew that was not what Tony needed.

"She's a fighter, she's come back before." He offered trying to sound optimistic.

"Not this time." Tony stated matter-of-factly. "She's fought all she can, there's nothing left in her, she held on this long, it would be selfish to ask her to hang on any longer." He confessed. And he was right; she had fought for long enough.

Seven years ago she had been on a case when she had been captured by a small underground political party who still bore a grudge against her father. With him dead the next best thing was to attack his daughter. She had been imprisoned in a storage unit on the Oregon coast, beaten, drugged, interrogated for information she didn't even hold. For 3 months that was her life, she had no contact with NCIS, with Tony, with her son, they didn't even know if she was still alive. Of course they had pulled out all the stops to find her, dedicated an entire taskforce to looking for her, following up each and every tip no matter how ridiculous it seemed. Many agents worked well over the hours they were legally supposed to pull at a time because when it came to Ziva, everybody was dedicated to bringing her home safely. It was only when one of her captors tried to evade police, who wanted to pull him over for a broken tail light, that her location was discovered. Tony, three year old Elijah, McGee, Gibbs, Abby, Ducky, even Palmer had flown straight to Oregon where they found their colleague, friend and partner in a coma. Doctors hadn't held out much hope for her; her captors had given her a crude form of truth serum, something they had concocted themselves out of a mix of dangerous chemicals. In small doses she might have been ok, escaped with minimal damage, but a 3 month prolonged period of usage had taken its toll on her body. It was wasting her muscles and poisoning her blood. If they could wake her from the coma she might have a year or two tops, but the drugs had damaged her organs beyond repair. A transplant might have worked, but the poison had worked its way to almost all of her major organs, there was just no way they could replace them all. That news had hit Tony like a high speed train; his world had literally caved in around him. He couldn't be a father to Elijah without Ziva, he couldn't be an NCIS agent without her as his partner, he didn't even know how to be Anthony DiNozzo without her anymore. For the first time in his life Tony had prayed for something, he prayed for her to wake up, to get better, a year or two would never be enough when he was expecting an eternity with her, but that year or two would give him the time to say everything he wished he had told her every single day. If she didn't wake up from that coma he knew his life would never be anything more than a shadow of what it should be with her in it.

To his complete and utter elation she did wake up; not only that but she made an amazing recovery. After barely a month away from work, she returned to her job as good as new. While the others tried to wait on her, tried to pick up the slack, she pushed on with work and tried to regain a sense of normality. However, as the doctors predicted, with the passing time she began to weaken. Slowly at first, she'd get out of breath climbing large flights of stairs, she'd lost some power behind the blows she would usually use to render someone unconscious, but on the whole she hid the changes well. She finally gave in and returned to the doctors who provided her with yet more daily pills and jabs just to get her body through the day and for a long time life was almost normal. She saw Elijah celebrate his 5th, his 6th, his 7th birthday without so much as a concerned thought towards how many more she would get to see; she continued her work with NCIS, tracking down killers, solving crimes; there was no way she was going to let a group of terrorists ruin the life she had created for herself. But in the last year the team had noticed a dramatic change in her. She had lost weight from her already slim frame, she was growing tired, and distant, she was struggling with tasks that ordinarily wouldn't have affected her if she had her hands tied behind her back. If she was honest with herself she had been struggling for a while long before the others noticed, but she wasn't ready to admit defeat.

Two months ago, after collapsing at work for the 3rd time in 6 months, she was forced to admit that she was no longer the woman she once was, that she had served out her time at NCIS and now she needed to be at home, to live out what life she had left with her family. It hadn't been an easy decision to make, and, had Tony not literally forced her to stay at home that first day, she would most likely still be here, in the office, staring back at him from behind that desk.

Tony blinked back tears as it finally seemed to hit him that never again would he see her positioned in that chair, looking over at him from beneath those thick, dark lashes, flashing him that dazzling, yet oh so deadly smile. She'd never be there for him to spit ball paper work at, she would never tease him with her dulcet tones whispered in his ear when she popped up from who knows where completely unnoticed.

McGee looked at Tony; he watched as Tony laid his head in his hands and pushed his thumbs hard against his temples. He wished there was something he could do, anything, just to make it better, but then, everybody in the office had that same wish and it still wasn't enough to change things.

"What am I supposed to tell Elijah?" Tony mumbled, his voice barely audible.

McGee clenched and unclenched his fists and shuffled his weight from foot to foot; he was sure that there was no real answer to this question.

"Tony, you know we'll all-"

Suddenly Tony pulled himself to his feet, cutting Tim off.

"Uh, she, gets kind of tired in the evenings, it would probably be best if you guys called around on the weekend, so you can come in the day." He spoke, passing by McGee and wandering down the hallway. McGee simply watched, helpless, as his friend disappeared from view.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: First of all, a **huge** thank you to all who have reviewed/favourited/subscribed to the story so far! I am literally amazed and very honoured! In my desperation to get this all done in time for Christmas, I am posting two chapters in one day! I hope you enjoy this next one as much as the first!

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><p>Christmas was now less than a week away and Tony stood in the kitchen as his son rolled out sticky dough on the floured work surface. The hint of sweetness and spice that filled the air alerted anyone to fact that he had made a batch of ginger bread.<p>

"For Santa." Elijah smiled as he lifted a red plastic cutter and pushed the snowflake shape into the dough.

"You know your mom is a fan of ginger bread," Tony said. "You think you can spare a cookie for her when she wakes up?" he asked.

Elijah twisted his head and looked up at his father with a cheeky grin.

"What's that look about?" Tony questioned, his son's grin infectiously spreading to his own face.

"I have a special cookie for mom." He said, rubbing his hands together to dust off the loose flour. He shuffled over to his school bag which sat in the hallway just outside the kitchen door, probably where it would stay now until classes began again in January. He unzipped the front pocket and concealed something in his palm. Tony furrowed his eyebrows as Elijah made his way back into the kitchen. "I saw it a while back in Mason's shop window, but mom was with me, so I had to wait until I could go there myself." He held out his hand and proudly smiled as he showed his father a silver cookie cutter in the shape of the Star of David. "You think she will like it?" He asked with a smile.

Tony raised his eyebrows and smiled.

"Yeah buddy, I think she will love it." He watched the look of pride cross Elijah' face as he turned around to the counter top and pushed the cutter into the cookie dough, carefully lifting it and placing the perfectly cut cookie on to the baking sheet.

"What do you think mom wants for Christmas?" Elijah questioned, punching out more snowflake shaped cookies.

Tony scratched his head uneasily; he had been dreading questions like these for a long time.

"Uh, I'm not sure bud, your mom isn't really that bothered about Christmas presents, she'll be happy just to have you around."

"But I have to get her something, she always likes my gifts, remember last year when I picked her those earrings, she loved them, and when I made her that flower pot, she really liked that too."

"Yeah she did, but she wouldn't have minded if you hadn't got her anything." Tony offered, it wasn't that he didn't want his son to get Ziva a gift, far from it, but he had noticed just how fragile she had become over the last couple of weeks and he was terrified that Elijah might not have a mom to give the gift to come Christmas morning.

"But I want to get her something." The look of optimism on his son's face was enough to make anyone back down, so Tony had no choice but to relent.

"Ok, well, we'll have a think about something." He smiled.

"What are you getting her?" Elijah questioned. Tony's face dropped. He hadn't even considered her gift if he was honest. All he wanted was to make her feel better. He quickly wracked his brain for something he could say when he remembered an advert he'd seen in the paper about 4 months ago, before everything started to go so badly wrong, he actually had thought about this as a present.

"The Russian ballet is coming to town next month," Tony explained. "I'm going to try and get tickets for you mom to go see it."

"Ballet?" Elijah spat confused.

"Shhh, not so loud!" Tony warned, keeping up the pretence, knowing full well that it would take far more than that to wake Ziva.

"Ballet?" Elijah whispered. "Since when has mom liked ballet?"

"Your mom used to dance, once." Tony explained. While it was true that he had never seen her dance, he knew that as a child she had taken ballet, when her father had failed to turn up to a recital she had given up, but he had often seen her lingering glances at ads for ballet in the paper, or when they drove by the theatre. Somewhere she still held a keen interest in the sport, and he had wanted more than anything to be able to give her that for Christmas.

"Really?" Elijah asked surprised.

"Oh yeah, when she was a kid, she loved dance." Tony explained, he watched as the little boy nodded in understanding. "Anyways," Tony said ruffling his son's hair. "What about you huh?" He asked. "What are you asking Santa for? And what about your birthday this year? Anything special you want?" He watched as Elijah's hands faltered lifting one of the cookies out of the dough.

"No, nothing special." He shrugged.

Tony looked at his boy; like every child Christmas was special, he loved seeing the wide eyed wonder of his son on Christmas morning as he tore open his presents and relished in the magic of the day. But Christmas was even more special for Elijah because once all the thrills and excitement had passed for everyone else, he got a second round of fun when he celebrated his birthday just 2 days later.

"Nothing special? You're turning 10 this year bud, that's a pretty special age. Double figures, an entire decade, there must be something cool you want? A new bike? A computer?" Tony pressed. He had picked out a twin speed multi-gear Silhouette Falcon mountain bike on Ziva's request to leave by the tree from Santa Clause for Christmas morning, but he still hadn't found the perfect gift for his son for his birthday.

"I guess. But there's really just one thing I want." Elijah spoke, punching out the last cookie from the dough.

"Oh yeah, what's that?" Tony asked; he knew the kids were all into video music players these days and McGee had just picked up the latest one so he was pretty sure he was going to be looking along those lines, and thankfully, having a friend like McGee meant he couldn't go wrong there.

Elijah lifted the last cookie and placed it on the baking sheet and without so much as looking at his dad, he spoke with complete honesty.

"I just want mom to get better."

His words were like a lead weight on Tony's chest; each breath became heavy and it was hard to draw in air; he had never expected to hear that. He felt his heart sink, knowing there was no way he could give his boy what he wanted.

Elijah slid the cookie tray off of the work surface and placed it inside the oven.

"They only take a few minutes." He said wiping his lightly floured hands on his shirt and stepping out of the kitchen as though he hadn't said anything at all, Tony simply watched as his son walked away with a bounce to his stride, unknowing that he had just broken his father's heart.

Later that evening Tony wandered into his bedroom and gently brushed a lock of hair away from Ziva's face. She was sleeping, but Elijah so desperately wanted to take her one of his cookies that Tony thought it only fair to wake her, just this once. He leant down and pressed his lips lightly to her forehead, feeling the slight chill of her skin to his touch.

"Hey," He whispered, running the back of his index finger along her cheek and lifting her hand in his. He felt her fingers reflex against his and slowly her eyes fluttered open. That spark that he had once known had vanished the day she had to admit NCIS was no longer a life option for her, but it always returned in those first waking moments and whenever she laid eyes on her son, and that brought him nothing but happiness.

"Hi." She greeted with a weak smile. Tony tilted his head and pressed his lips soft against hers.

"So guess what Elijah wants for Christmas?" Tony asked. Ziva furrowed her eyebrows. "He wants you to get better." He had spent the last hour or so debating whether to tell her, he knew it would hurt her but she'd be more upset if she thought he was keeping things from her. He didn't tell her out of malice, he told her because he loved her and she deserved to know what her son was thinking. He watched the pain radiate across her face as she closed her eyes and bowed her head. Tony squeezed her fingers. "I'll talk to him." He whispered. She nodded her head but kept her eyes shut; this was hurting her more than he knew. She had spent every single day that she had been away from NCIS weighing up what their lives would be when she was gone. She never imagined herself as a mother but now that she was one there was not a single moment in her sons' life that she wanted to miss; and yet she was. His first girlfriend, his prom, college, getting married, having his own family, she wouldn't be there for any of it, and it was killing her faster than the muscle wasting disease that had been poisoning her for the last 7 years.

"I should talk to him." Ziva said. "He needs to know that I am not leaving him by choice."

"He knows." Tony reassured. "Believe me, he knows."

"You're up!" Elijah beamed from the doorway.

"Yes, I am up." Ziva smiled back. And there it was; that sparkle right there in her eyes like it had never left. "You want to come and sit on the bed with me?" She asked; when she had first left NCIS she had still been able to get around the house, but in the last 2 weeks she had become almost completely bedbound.

"Sure, I just have to get you something first." He smiled excitably, rushing along the hallway and into the kitchen. Ziva turned to look at Tony, confused.

"Just wait." He smiled.

Elijah came hurrying back to the bedroom with a small side plate clutched in his hands. He carefully carried it over the threshold of the room and eagerly held it out to his mother.

"Dad said you liked gingerbread cookies." He smiled. Sitting a top the plate was a perfectly shaped Star of David cookie which had been beautifully iced with vanilla icing and decorated with an edible silver ball on each of the 6 points of the star. Ziva looked at the cookie and felt tears well in her eyes.

"Elijah, this is beautiful." She confessed holding back tears; she had never found herself as emotional as she had in the last few weeks.

"Taste it, it's even better, Dad ate 4 snowflake cookies." Elijah winked at Tony who held up his hands and shrugged his shoulders; the boy made good treats.

Ziva laughed and lifted the cookie to her lips, biting the edge of one of the points between her teeth. Her mouth was instantly flooded with the sweet spice of ginger as the cookie crumbled between her teeth and melted on her tongue. The icing dissolved against her taste buds, sweet, sticky and the silver ball added a nice crunch when the cookie was almost all chewed.

"This is delicious, you made this yourself?" she questioned. Elijah nodded proudly. "It's really good." She smiled taking another bite.

The three of them sat on the bed in near silence until Ziva had finished every last bite of her cookie. She hadn't had much of an appetite recently but there was no way she was going to leave anything of something her son had so lovingly made for her. She considered, as she chewed, bringing up his request for Christmas, but she decided it would only upset him. She would have her chance to say goodbye when the time was right.

"So are you excited now that school is done for the holidays?" Ziva asked.

Elijah shrugged nonchalantly.

"I guess, but I do like school." Elijah admitted; he would never say it aloud but he had been enjoying it a lot more since Ziva got really sick, he hated having to watch her get weaker and weaker without being able to help her. "But tomorrow I'm going to the skate park with Jordy, his dad just got him this amazing new board and he wants to go test it out."

"Well that sounds fun." Ziva smiled. "Make sure you take your helmet."

"I will mom." Elijah smiled.

A knock on the door interrupted their family moment and Elijah quickly sprung from the bed to see who was there. Tony looked to the doorway intending to listen to whomever was at the door, but he already knew it would be their work colleagues, they were so desperate to get to see Ziva that waiting for a weekend was just too implausible.

"Hi Eli," Abby's voice sounded through the house; she was the only one who ever called him Eli.

"Hi Aunt Abby." The boy greeted politely.

"Is your mom up?" she questioned gently. Elijah nodded.

"She's in her bedroom."

Tony could just see the young boy stepping aside and letting her into the house, he would hold out his hands to take her coat; he had been raised well. A second set of footsteps sounded against the hardwood floors; it was Gibbs. Tony knew there would have been conversation between him and the boy, but Gibbs' hushed tones never quite travelled as far as he wanted them too. McGee did not seem to be with them, perhaps he had heeded Tony's advice and was choosing to wait to visit Ziva; when he found out the others had been he would be pissed, of that Tony was sure.

He heard their pacing grow louder as they approached the room and he took a deep breath to prepare himself for their reaction. Seeing Ziva everyday made it hard to notice the gradual changes in her, but when you went as long as they had without seeing her, it was obvious they were going to be shocked by her transformation.

"Ziva? Ziva, it's Abby, I picked up some flowers for…" Abby cut off her sentence the moment she walked through the doorway and laid eyes on her friend. Tony watched the way her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open but he admired her for not letting the audible gasp he knew she so badly wanted to let go, leave her mouth. "…you." She finished, noting the way Ziva looked down as though ashamed of what she had become. Gibbs came up behind Abby and placed his hands on her shoulders bringing her back to her senses.

"You want me to put them in a vase for you?" She asked, trying to pass off her voice as normal.

"I can get that." Tony said, pushing himself off of the bed and back to his feet. He took the bunch of flowers from her arms and stepped past Elijah who was standing in the doorway, ruffling his hair as he did so. "You want to help me out bud?" Elijah forced a smile and followed his father down the hallway.

"The flowers are beautiful Abby." Ziva smiled trying to bring the conversation back. Abby smiled and nodded in silence.

"You're looking a little pale Ziver." Gibbs smiled; he wasn't one for bypassing the obvious and he knew that Ziva would probably appreciate someone not lying to her for once.

"Yes, I have felt better." She laughed.

Since she had left NCIS she seemed to have lost half of her body weight, which was never anything more than petite anyway. Her collarbones jutted out from her skin at unnatural angles, her face was hollow and gaunt, her usually striking eyes were being overshadowed by the dark circles that now ringed them, and her hair hung limply around her face, a far cry from her usual perfectly coifed look. She was being drowned in the t-shirt she was wearing, an NCIS shirt that she had used in the past to work out in and her wrists and fingers looked so fragile that it appeared that more than one puff of air could break her bones.

"Are you in pain?" Abby asked, her voice quivering with emotion.

Ziva shook her head. "Tony is very good with everything." She smiled. "He would never let me suffer."

Abby was somewhat relieved by this, and yet it still didn't seem enough.

Tony turned off the steady flow of crystal liquid filling the glass vase and set it on the work surface. He turned around and gathered the bunch of flowers from Elijah's grasp and, tearing off the outside wrap he slid them into the glass receptacle. They really did look beautiful. When he and Ziva had first begun dating he had given her flowers every week, for some reason he had stopped and he didn't know why.

"Dad?" Elijah spoke, pulling Tony from his memory lane trail.

"Yeah bud?"

"She's not going to get better is she?" Elijah looked up at his father with a heart-crushing amount of optimism; Tony was supposed to tell him that of course she was, that this was just a set back, she'd be as good as new in no time, and yet he couldn't do it. He had tried for so long to play down Ziva's illness, at 3 years old he had been too young to understand what had happened but here he was, almost ten and he understood it all. Lying to him would serve no purpose other than to talk down to him and treat him like a small child.

Tony sighed and pulled his bottom lip between his teeth; he didn't know what to say, how does a person look into the eyes of their son and purposefully deliver the lines that will ruin the rest of their life? Tony had lost his own mother as a child, and while he and his parents had never had even a tiny part of the relationship that Elijah and they shared, his mom's passing had affected him in so many ways. He could already see the pain in his boys' eyes and he wasn't sure that he would even be able to look at him after… to see all of that sadness, all of that hurt and know he could not make that better; that was what parents did, they made things better. Not only that but Elijah's eyes were so much like Ziva's that he was sure if he was shown only a picture of each of their eyes that he would fail to correctly identify who owned which pair. He sighed once again before finally responding.

"No." he said softly. "No, she's not going to get better." He watched his son's eyes sink to the floor and saw the way his whole body seemed to droop in front of him and there it was, that heart break he knew he'd feel; it was as though someone had taken hold of his heart and squeezed it tightly, it seemed incapable of pumping the blood and oxygen through his body and he started to feel light headed. He sunk to his knees so he was in front of his son and he put two fingers under his chin and lifted the boys' head to look at him. He had been right, all that sadness, anger, hurt and pain, it had all amplified one hundred times over and there was nothing he could say to take it away.

"Remember when mom first got sick, all that time ago?"

Elijah nodded.

"Well, the doctors said she wouldn't make it two years, and it's been seven. We've had five years with her that we never should have gotten; I think that's a pretty sweet deal, don't you?"

Elijah shook his head.

"It's not enough." He confessed, his voice soft and broken.

"I know." Tony agreed. "No time would be enough, but there isn't a lot of time left, we just have to make sure we make time as good as it can be."

Elijah nodded with a half smile before wrapping his arms around Tony. Tony reciprocated the gesture and let his fingers nestle in Elijah's soft hair and held him close, a single tear burning a trail down his cheek.

For the next hour or so the three agents made idle chit chat about work, office gossip and life in general; each of them avoided the very topic that had brought them to Ziva's bedroom. As it became evident that she was tiring, the two of them knew they had to say their goodbyes and they had to do it now.

Gibbs went to leave the room to give Abby and Ziva a moment of privacy but she clutched his hand and squeezed it tight; she couldn't do this alone.

Edging her way to the bedside, she took Ziva's cold hand in hers and looked her friend in the eye. Ziva had made them promise not to say goodbye, not a real goodbye; she didn't want tears and emotion, she wanted only memories and happiness to be remembered by; the word goodbye was banned from use.

"Ziva," Abby began. "I want you to know that I think you're amazing. Everything you have done in your life has always been for a purpose, you've always been so self assured, so focused on getting what you want and I really admire you for that." Ziva smiled and squeezed Abby's hand. "You were, you are, easily the most kick ass agent NCIS has ever had, and I only wish I could be half as amazing as you are at what you do. And I want you to know that you are the best mom to that little boy of yours. I know Tony and you were worried but you did a perfect job with him and I couldn't imagine a more polite, friendly and sweet young man as Elijah."

The two women stared at each other for a moment as Ziva tried hard not to let the tears over flow from her eyes; when it all came down to it, all that mattered to her was that she did a good job as a parent and hearing that other people thought she was a great mom was the confirmation she so desperately needed.

"Thank you Abby." Ziva whispered softly.

Abby smiled sadly, before wrapping her arms around her friend's fragile frame and pulling her in tight to her body. She allowed one single tear to flow down her cheek as she took in Ziva's scent for what she knew in her heart would be the last time, before pulling away and leaving the room without looking back in fear that she would never stem the flow of tears and only upset Ziva more. That left Ziva alone with Gibbs.

Gibbs shot her a glance, completely stoic and empty; it wasn't that he didn't feel, it was just that he had grown so accustomed to bottling it up that expressing things was the hardest thing in the world for him.

"She going to be alright?" Ziva asked.

"Eventually." Gibbs responded. "We'll all be here for each other."

Ziva nodded.

"Ziver," Gibbs spoke stepping closer to her bed. "I just wanted to say, while a lot of people doubted my decision to let you stay at NCIS, my reasoning never waivered, you did an amazing job and I want you to know that I am proud of you." Gibbs touched his palm to her cheek and watched the smile spread across her face. "And Abby is right, that boy, he's perfect. I never thought anything that courteous could come from DiNozzo, so you must have done something right!" Ziva laughed and Gibbs grinned at her. "But in all honesty, he's an amazing kid, and you should know that everyone is going to keep a look out for him, he's got a lot of people that care about him and he will be taken care of."

Ziva let her eyes flood with tears and Gibbs wiped one away with his thumb.

"He's a strong lad, he'll be alright, of that I am certain. DiNozzo on the other hand… well… in all the years I've known him, I have never ever seen him fall for someone as fast as he did for you. You are his world Ziver, he's going to be destroyed," Gibbs took a breath and pursed his lips. "Chances are he'll spend the rest of his life pining for you,"

"Good." Ziva laughed, several tears pouring from her eyes as she saw a smile break over Gibbs' face.

"He'll be ok, but only because of that boy, that'll be the one blessing he will have to remember you by."

Ziva nodded again.

"You will look after him Gibbs?" She asked.

Gibbs nodded.

"I've been doing it since he joined NCIS, I won't put a stop to it now." He grinned. "You need to know that your family will be safe, always."

Ziva just managed to mouth thank you as she threw her arms around Gibbs and the two of them shared an embrace of trust and honesty for the final time. Gibbs had been more of a dad to her than her own father and something about this whole situation just didn't sit right. A child wasn't supposed to go before a parent, that wasn't the way things worked, and there was nothing that could be done about it.

When she fell asleep in his embrace, Gibbs gently laid her down to rest on the pillow and slowly slipped his arms from around her, letting the cold air hit his body against the warm space she was laying. He left the room and found Abby crying in Tony's arms, his comforting not proving to be enough. Elijah sat in his room on the bed in the dark, playing his music on his headphones trying to block out the sadness of the night.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Once again, a big big thank you for all the reviews/subs, I am very grateful to each and every person who takes the time to even read my work let alone comment :o) Originally I was going to split this into two chapters but I opted against that so here's the next installment!

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><p>It was unusually sunny the following morning as Elijah wandered through the streets with his friend Jordy on the way to the skate park. Jordy had been his friend since kindergarten when Elijah had asked him if he would like to share some of his lunch with him. The young boy had gladly accepted and the two had been inseparable ever since. Aside from the teachers, Jordy was the only one who knew about Ziva.<p>

"So my mom said she would come pick us up around 2:30." Jordy spoke. "She said if your mom says it's ok, you can stay for dinner." It took him less than a split second to realize what he had said. "I'm sorry man; I didn't mean… how is your mom?"

Elijah shrugged.

"If you ever want to get away from it all, you can always come hang at my house." Jordy offered.

Elijah nodded; Jordy's family were like his own extended family, he fitted in well with his parents and his sister, but he knew that as hard as it was, he needed to be at home. He was about to explain that to him when something caught his eye across the street. Without a single glace for oncoming traffic, Elijah bolted across the street and pressed both of his palms and face against the pane of glass in the shop window. Sitting there were a pair of white ballet shoes coated in a subtle dusting of glitter with a tiny Star of David studded on the top. Elijah knew the star was simply decoration, it hadn't been placed there for religious connotations but that didn't matter because these shoes were the perfect gift, these shoes were what he needed to get his mom for Christmas.

Heavy breathing sounded in his ear as Jordy pulled up alongside him.

"Dude, what the hell?" He asked.

"Sorry Jordy, I have to give the skate park a miss, I need to get home." Elijah called happily taking off back in the direction he came.

"What? Why?" Jordy called back still rooted to the spot.

"I'll explain later, I'm sorry!" He shouted pumping his legs as fast as he could to get back home.

It took less than 15 minutes for him to run the normal 35 minute walk to his house and as he burst through the door gasping for breath he bumped right into Tony.

"Woah, slow down kiddo, what happened? Is Jordy ok?" Tony asked, slightly panicked.

"Yeah he's fine, dad, I need to borrow some money, get an advance on my allowance or something?" Elijah panted.

"What for?"

"Mom's Christmas present." He said, walking into his room with Tony following behind him. He fell to his knees and pulled an old shoebox from under his bed, pulling out a beat up and battered old baseball glove he stuck his hand inside and pulled out a small rolled up wad of notes. He had 23 dollars, his life savings.  
>"Well how much do you need?" Tony asked.<p>

"I dunno, I didn't look at the price, maybe ten dollars?" Tony looked down at the boy; he was so excited, so filled with joy and with pride that he just couldn't take that away from him. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a ten dollar bill. He pressed it into his son's hand and smiled.

"You want me to drop you back into the stores?" Tony asked.

Elijah shook his head.

"No, I want this to be a surprise for you both." He beamed.

"I don't want you going into the town on your own." Tony warned.

"Dad…" Elijah rolled his eyes.

"It's not safe bud."

"I won't talk to strangers, I won't get in anyone's car, I won't even cross the street, the store I need in on this side of the road, please dad, I need to get this for mom, it's perfect." Tony could see the optimism in his son's eyes and against his better judgement he agreed to let the boy go.

"Be careful." He warned.

"Thanks dad!" Elijah yelled with a happy smile as he took off running out the door once again.

With elation flooding his entire body, Elijah didn't stop running the entire way back into the town centre. He bolted past the busy shoppers picking up their last minute Christmas supplies with only 3 days left to pick up gifts. Pushing past a couple who were arguing over the size of television to purchase their daughter, he weaved his way into the store and ran up to the nearest clerk he could find.  
>"Excuse me m'am?" He spoke, catching the eye of a young employee, probably just earning some extra holiday cash. She was maybe 19, 20 at a push, with short blonde hair and a scowl; retail at Christmas time was enough to anger even the cheeriest of people. She was dressed in the store uniform, a cream shirt with a green overall, a Santa hat pulled over her hair.<p>

"Yeah?" she replied with attitude.

"The ballet shoes in the window, can you tell me where they are in the store please?"

"That's the last pair." She replied without even looking around the store.

"Oh, ok, um, could you tell me what size they are please?"

The girl exhaled deeply, then slouched off to the window and lifted the shoes in the box to look at them.

"Seven." She called not even bothering to return to the boy.

Elijah punched the air; they were perfect.

"I'll take them!" He grinned. The girl put the lid on the box and shoved them at the boy.

"Good for you." She grunted. "Merry Christmas." She added with a scowl. Elijah was too happy to notice her lack of enthusiasm, and instead wandered in a daze of euphoria, until he had joined the queue of other Christmas shoppers waiting to pay for their goods.

After ten minutes or so he began to anxiously shift from foot to foot as he drew nearer to the front of the queue. The line was really piling up behind him but that didn't matter, all that he cared about was that he had found the most perfect gift in the world for his mom and he couldn't wait to see her face when she opened them on Christmas morning.

"Next?" A tall and older clerk beckoned Elijah to his cashier with a single wave of his hand. The man's hair was greying at the edges, he looked like the kind of man who had been working in the job for years and had never quite grown to love it.

Elijah happily pushed the shoe box up on the counter and waited while the man scanned the barcode.

"Forty one, sixty three." He spoke.

Elijah felt his heart stop. He didn't have enough. Regardless, he pulled out the rolled up bundle of money and tossed it on the counter as he began to dig his hands into his pockets. First he thrust them into his coat pockets; he found a quarter and two nickels. Then, his pants pockets, a penny, nothing more.

"You got it or not kid?" The cashier asked.

Elijah looked up at the man and shook his head.

The guy shook his head and with a sigh pulled the box from the counter and shoved it underneath his till.

"Wait, can you hang on to those for me? I'll come back with more money?" Elijah asked.

"We can't do that kid."

"But they're the last pair and I need them for my mom." Elijah pleaded.

"Store policy."

"But you don't understand," Elijah began.

"No, you don't understand. The store policy is that we don't hold items for customers, you either pay for them or they go back on sale. You don't have the money so you don't get the goods, that's the way it works." The man's voice was laced with anger and malice.

Elijah felt tears well in his eyes, this was Ziva's perfect gift, if he didn't get them now, they may not have them when he had the money; or worse yet, she might not be around to receive them if he had to wait until they got more in stock.

"Sir, please, I will go get the money now, I just need you to keep them for 2 hours at the most."

"Young man, listen to me… no." The man spoke more aggressively this time.

Elijah's shoulders sunk and he bowed his head as he turned away from the countertop, tears overflowing his eyes.

"Hey, hey, what's up little man?" The gentleman next in the line placed a hand on Elijah's shoulder. He knew he should shrug him away, he shouldn't talk to this man, he'd been raised better than that, but he was too upset to care right now.

"I don't have enough money." The boy sniffed. "I need to get those shoes but the guy won't hang on to them for me, it's the last pair and I need them for my mom."

"I'm sure you mom won't mind if you get her something else." The man explained.

Elijah looked up at him through his tear filled eyes and shook his head.

"These are perfect. My mom, she's sick, really sick, and my dad said she's not going to make it this time." He sighed. "I wanted to get her something amazing for Christmas, she used to dance, it used to make her happy and I like it when she's happy. When she smiles it makes her face glow, she looks so pretty, I want her to look pretty again before... but it doesn't matter, because I only have 33 dollars." Once again his head fell and he began to slink away.

"Wait, wait!" The man called after him. "Sir?" he spoke turning to the cashier. "How much short is he?"

"Eight sixty-seven." The cashier sighed.

The man reached into his pocket and pulled out a ten dollar bill and placed it on the counter. Elijah turned and looked at the man in wide eyed wonder.

"Everyone deserves to be happy on Christmas." He smiled. "Get her those shoes kid." The man winked.

"Really?"

He nodded with a smile.

Elijah wiped away the tears in his eyes and ran up to the gentleman wrapping his arms around his waist.

"My mom is gonna be so happy. Thank you mister, thank you so much!" He dug into his pocket and threw the rest of his money on the counter, pulled the box of shoes off the top, tucked them under his arm and ran out of the store with the biggest smile you could ever see on a child.

He careered down the street in the opposite direction of his house; it wasn't home he needed to go, not yet, there was some place else he had to stop first. He would know the streets if he had his eyes closed so he ran on autopilot to the block of apartments a little under 20 minutes from the main town centre. He didn't even bother to check the front buzzer for the right number before he smashed his fingers against the red button and listened to the loud buzzing sound that poured out of the speaker. Pacing from foot to foot he waited for his response.  
>"Yeah, who is-?"<p>

"McGee its Elijah, buzz me in!" He spoke into the speaker. It took no more than hearing the name Elijah for the front door buzzer to sound and for Elijah to throw it open and begin to bound up the stairs two at a time.

The front door of McGee's apartment was already ajar when Elijah reached the floor of his apartment and he burst inside and slammed it closed behind him.

"Uncle McGee, check out what I got for mom for Christmas!" He panted excitedly. "I need you to keep it here until Christmas Eve, I don't have any place to hide it and I don't want mom or dad to see them." He was speaking a mile a minute as he tore off the lid of the box and lifted one of the shoes from the tissue paper lining the inside. "What do you think? They're perfect right? Dad said mom used to dance, he said it used to make her happy, and I saw these and I thought they would be perfect, you think she will like them?" He thrust the shoe towards McGee who was only barely following the conversation.

"Yeah Elijah, I think they're great, she'll love them, I know it." He watched the grin spread over Elijah's face.

"And I can keep them here?"

"Yeah, yeah that's fine." McGee smiled. "I think I have a bunch of spare Christmas paper if you want me to wrap them?" Elijah's eyes lit up.

"Would you?"

"Sure." McGee nodded.

"Thanks you're the best!" And with that Elijah bounded back out of the apartment, down the stairs and headed in the direction of home leaving McGee completely bemused and dumbfounded.

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><p>Christmas Eve was soon upon them and the festive season was beginning to feel ever more magical. The entire town was decorated in lights, decorations and wreaths, festive music and carols came from every store front, each house was boasting light displays and even larger trees, and even a thin dusting of snow was coating the ground leaving everyone guessing as to just how likely it was that they would get a real white Christmas.<p>

Gibbs had told everyone not to bother coming in, if there was a case he would call them, but everyone had better places to be on Christmas and they should be wherever their family was. Tony stood in the kitchen fixing chocolate chip pancakes in shapes for himself, Elijah and Ziva should she want one, but she had barely eaten anything since Elijah gave her the cookie days ago. She had been drifting in and out of sleep for most parts of the days and as much as it pained him to think about it, he knew her time was growing short and he knew that he needed to think about what he wanted to say to her when the time came.

Elijah strolled into the kitchen dressed in a pair of jeans and white and blue striped polo shirt that Tony had bought for him; he looked smart.

"I got a stack of cactus shaped pancakes with your name on them." Tony smiled. "I mean they were supposed to be animals, a dog, a giraffe, maybe even a bat, but apparently cactus is my speciality…" he lifted a pancake with his spatula and held it out to show his boy. Elijah laughed but tore off a part and placed it into his mouth, chewing on the light fluffy texture while the creamy chocolate melted across his tongue.

"They're good." He smiled with a thumbs up.

"Excellent because I've got enough batter here for like five hundred so I thought instead of turkey this year we'd have pancakes."

Elijah shrugged.

"Fine by me." He laughed. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and went to stand beside his father at the stove top. "How is mom today?" he asked.

Tony sighed. "She's sleepy, but she's ok."

Elijah nodded. "You think you will have time later on to drive me over to Uncle McGee's place? I need to pick something up."

"I don't know, we'll see bud, I don't really want to leave your mom alone."

"But she's sleeping. She's always sleeping, she won't even notice." Elijah countered.

"I said we'll see and that is that." Tony spoke bluntly; he wasn't going to get into an argument on Christmas Eve.

"Fine." Elijah huffed picking up his plate of pancakes and taking them to his room, slamming the door behind him.

Tony flicked the last pancake out of the pan and onto his plate and sighed as he set down the spatula, these next few months were going to be nothing but difficult for the both of them, he had to expect moments like this to crop up, he just wasn't sure he was ready for them just yet.

A little over an hour later when Tony had long since finished his stack of cactus shaped pancakes and he had managed to get Ziva to at least take a bite of one, Elijah came out of his room with his empty plate in hand and his shoes on his feet.

"Going somewhere?" Tony asked, taking his plate and dropping it into the sink of soapy water.

"Uncle McGee's." Elijah stated matter-of-factly. "I have to pick something up."

Tony shook his head.

"You should be at home today bud, I think you need to spend some time with your mom." He tried to explain.

"I will, but I need to go get something first. I won't be long."

"I don't want you walking all that way when it gets dark so fast." Tony warned.

"So drive me over there." Elijah suggested as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"I'm not going to leave your mom alone. Whatever it is it will have to wait."

"No, I need to get it now!" Elijah raised his voice.

"And I said you need to wait, your mom,"

"Mom, mom, mom, that's all you care about now, I know she's sick, but she's been sick for a long time. You're not fun like you used to be, you never come and play soccer with me, you never take me places at the weekends, you don't even let people come around anymore. Just because she's sick! If it's going to be like this I wish she'd just die already!" The second the words came out of this mouth he wished he could take them back, he saw the way Tony's face contorted as he said them and it wasn't even how he felt, he was just mad.

Before Tony could have the chance to say something back to him he bolted to the door and ran as fast as he could down the street, knowing that Tony wouldn't come after him and leave Ziva on her own. Without so much as a second thought he just tore down the streets heading in the direction of the only place he could think of to go.

As he turned onto McGee's street someone was already coming out of the door, kicking up his pace a little more he managed to grab the door before it closed and he quickly began to bound his way up the staircase. Before he even had the chance to knock on McGee's front door, the wood swung open and Tim stood in the doorway with his cell pressed to his ear.

"Yeah Tony, he's here, and he's ok." He spoke, stepping aside so the boy could wander in. "I will, I will. Yes Tony, I know. Ok, alright. Sure." McGee hung up the phone and closed the door behind him.

Elijah stood in the hallway desperately panting for breath; he had run a long way without a single second of reprieve. McGee turned to him but before he could open his mouth to speak Elijah was interjecting with breathless gasps.

"I didn't mean it, Uncle McGee." He inhaled sharply. "I didn't mean what I said." McGee looked down at him with compassion in his eyes. "I don't want her to die; I never want her to die. I don't know why I said it, I was mad, I just… I didn't mean it!" McGee watched the tears slip down Elijah's face, thick and fast, the crystal drops were falling from his eyes faster than the panted breaths he was fighting against. With each new breath came a sob and McGee was unsure what he should do, he'd never been good with emotion, let alone children's emotion, so he did what he thought he would want if he were Elijah, and he pulled the boy into his arms and hugged him until he was all cried out.

Once he had stopped crying, when he had calmed down, McGee fetched a glass of water and sat down beside Elijah who was sitting leaning his back against the wall in the hallway.

"Thanks." Elijah smiled accepting the glass and taking a mouthful of the cool liquid, instantly seeming to rejuvenate his dry and coarse mouth.

"You're welcome." McGee replied. He took a deep breath before speaking again. "So your mom is really sick huh?" McGee had called around to the house just two days ago to say his goodbyes, and, like Abby and Gibbs he had been shocked by what he found, her frailty, her weakness, she was just a delicate shell now; he knew then it wouldn't be long before she gave in, but he hadn't quite wrapped his head around that yet; he hadn't considered that Ziva, strong, tough, resilient Ziva, was not going to get better from this.

Elijah nodded.

"Dad said there isn't much time left." He admitted. "I don't want her to die McGee."

"I know you don't."

"That's selfish though, right?" Elijah asked, looking up at McGee with those glossy eyes, the same eyes as his mother, the eyes that everyone who knew her were going to look at in the future and see only heartache reflected in them.

"Why is that selfish?" McGee asked a little confused. "Nobody wants her to die, everybody wants her back at work, wants her back to herself." He was trying to get across that what Elijah was feeling, he didn't feel alone.

"Because," the boy continued. "She's hurting, she's tired and she's had enough, she should have gone five years ago and she didn't, that's because of me. She hung on because of me and if I went back there and told her to stay, she would, because I asked her. But I can't make her do something if it makes her sad or hurt." This boy had a lot more empathy and understanding that McGee did at his age he considered. If he had been sitting here faced with the death of his mother, even at his age now, he wouldn't have been half as pulled together as Elijah, nor a fraction as wise. McGee was truly witnessing a glimpse of true, altruistic love.

"I've known your mom a long time," McGee spoke, and he saw the way Elijah turned to him, hungry for information. If he had all the time in the world he would never learn all there was to know about his mom and he had so much information he wanted to cram into his little mind while she was still here. "Your mom is one of the best people I know. She is strong and tough and determined, there is not a chance that anyone can make her do anything she doesn't want to. If your mom had wanted to give up five years ago, she would have. You didn't make her do anything she didn't want to, and you need to know, that even if she is hanging on for you, it's because she loves you more than anything else in the entire world." McGee let those words sink in as Elijah broke off eye contact and considered what he had been told. "When your mom found out she was having you, she was terrified." McGee explained. "She'd never say that, but she was, you could just see it on her face."

"What was she so afraid of?" Elijah asked confused.

"Everything." McGee smiled. "She was scared she wouldn't be able to take care of you like you needed, that you'd get hurt because she wasn't watching, that she couldn't show you the love that you needed and that you'd grow up to hate her."

Elijah opened his mouth to speak, but this time McGee was the one to cut him off.

"But she excelled at being a mother. I have never seen anyone as natural with a baby as your mom was. She brought you to work with her and showed you off to everyone, she was so proud. You are her single greatest achievement and she would do anything for you."

Elijah nodded, he had always known that his mother loved him, but perhaps he didn't know just how much.

"You still have the shoes right Uncle McGee?" Elijah asked.

McGee nodded.

"You think you could take me home with them?"

McGee smiled.

"Of course."


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I just wanted to put a quick message in to say I used a highly reliable *sarcasm* phrase website for the Hebrew contained in this story (mostly contained in this chapter)... I have no idea how accurate it is... hopefully it's somewhere near correct, if anyone speaks Hebrew, I apologise for any errors that may be contained! On a side note, I can probably wrap this story up with one more chapter after this so, once again, thank you to every single person who has been reading!

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><p>McGee stood in the doorway of the house as Tony ran his hand through his son's hair to welcome him back home.<p>

"Don't do that again to me kiddo, you got that?"

"Got it." Elijah said. "I'm sorry, for running and for what I said."

"I know." Tony nodded. "Believe me, I know." If he was totally honest, when he had watched her struggle with the pain of her condition he had often thought that if she would just give up, she could end her own suffering; but he always, always hated himself for thinking it, he couldn't imagine a life without her in it and he never thought he would have to live one.

"I had to get her gift." Elijah said, holding out the box wrapped in red and gold paper with a gold bow neatly attached to the top.

Tony smiled.

"Nice wrapping Elf Lord, guess Santa had to recruit a few extra helpers this year!" Tony winked. Ordinarily McGee would have been offended but it was just nice to have a hint of the old Tony back, even if it was just for a moment. "Thank you." he added. "For talking to him, for bringing him home."

McGee nodded. "You're welcome."

"You wanna come in?" Tony asked.

McGee wanted more than anything to say yes, he had said his goodbyes to Ziva but somehow he felt like there was so much more he needed to say, he wanted to tell her all the things he was sure he had left out, but he knew this time was precious, he knew Tony and Elijah needed time to say their own; he'd had his chance and now he needed to give them theirs.

"No, no, it's ok." McGee said holding up his hands. "I think you guys need some alone time."

Tony nodded and for some reason he wasn't quite sure of, he leant forward and hugged McGee.

"Thank you, for everything." He spoke before pulling away and making his way back inside.

Tony stepped into the kitchen where Elijah was waiting, pacing back and forth, he looked like a caged animal, nervous and agitated.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Are you mad at me? For saying what I said?"

Tony placed his hands on Elijah's shoulders.

"I'm not mad. I would never be mad at you." he explained. "What you said, it doesn't even matter now, I know you didn't mean it and I know you're sorry, and I can see that you feel bad about it," Elijah dipped his gaze and let his head sink. "Don't." Tony spoke. "Don't feel bad, it was a slip of the tongue and I know if you could take it back you would. I'm not angry and your mother didn't hear, and that's the main thing."

Elijah nodded with a slight smile; he would have hated himself forever if she had heard him.

"Is she up?" he asked.

"She was a minute ago." Tony spoke.

"You think Santa will mind if I give her a gift early?"

Tony laughed.

"No bud, I don't think he'd mind!"

Elijah grinned and paced his way down the hall to Tony and Ziva's bedroom. She was lying there in bed, the way she had been for such a long time now, it was just too hard for her to move around now, each movement caused her too much pain, it was only with Tony's help that she was able to take a shower, that she could cling on to whatever "normality" she had left in this world.

"Mom?" Elijah spoke softly, not wanting to wake her if she was sleeping, but to his delight she turned her head and instantly her face lit up as she laid eyes on him.

"Hi!" She beamed. "How are you doing?"

"Good." Elijah smiled. "How are you?"

"I'm ok." She replied. "Are you excited about Christmas tomorrow?" She grinned.

Elijah shrugged his shoulders and walked around her bed so he could climb on the other side.

"I guess."

"You guess?"

"I guess." He repeated. "I got you something, for Christmas." He handed over the beautifully wrapped box and carefully rested it on her legs beneath the blankets. He watched as she unwrapped the gift with her eyes, mesmerized by the foiled paper and sparkled bow. "Open it." Elijah encouraged.

"But it's not Christmas yet." Ziva protested.

"Santa will forgive you, just this once." Elijah winked.

Ziva looked to the door, knowing full well Tony would be standing there and that this would be his influence. She smiled as he flashed her a toothy grin and shrugged his shoulders. Ziva turned back to Elijah and then looked at the gift lying on her legs before lifting her hands and running them softly over the box. She slipped her finger under the bow without a problem and managed to tear it away from the package without damaging the wrapping paper underneath.

"This is just so beautiful." Ziva smiled. "I do not want to rip it!" She laughed.

"Go on, just do it!" Elijah jeered.

Ziva tried but she just couldn't break a hole in the paper. She had been getting more and more frustrated over the months as she found herself unable to carry out tasks that used to come so easy to her. Ordinarily she would have shouted in frustration, hit out and punched a pillow or a wall or something, but it wasn't the time for that now, she had a son who needed her to keep her cool and that was what was important.

"Elijah baby, you think maybe you could help me out?" she asked, handing over her box to her son.

Elijah happily obliged, slipping his finger beneath one of the panels of paper and tearing it eagerly piece by piece until nothing was left but the plain white box he remembered from leaving it with McGee. Ziva turned to look at Tony and smiled, moments like these were the things she would miss. Elijah was her world, he had been from the day he was born, before him she could have taken off at the drop of that hat, picked up and started again, somewhere else, somewhere new, she would have left behind everything she owned and everybody she knew, as much as she cared for Tony, before motherhood, he too was dispensable to her, she didn't need him. And then Elijah happened and her entire life changed. She began to feel things she never had before, for her son, for her friends, and most importantly, for Tony. There was no way she could survive without him anymore and with Elijah in their lives, they had it made.

She would miss seeing her boy grow up, seeing him turn into a man but still remain a boy at heart. Much like Tony, he had that Peter Pan thing about him; he would never really grow up. That had been the very thing that angered her the most about Tony when she first met him, but as time went on and she truly accepted the horrors this world held, she was able to appreciate just how special it was to find someone with that childlike wonder, that magical quality about them and she knew that someday Elijah would enchant women with his view of the world, much in the same way Tony had with her.

Tony watched as her eyes began to glass over, and he stepped into the room to comfort her, like a pillar of support just having him nearby was all she needed to keep it in. He knew how much these moments threatened to break her, she had always been so strong, so tough in both mind and body and to watch her lose control of her body but keep her mind was probably the worst form of torture that could be inflicted upon her.

"Here you go." Elijah beamed, handing the box back over. "You want me to take the lid off?"

Ziva grinned.

"Sure, go ahead."

Elijah flexed his fingers and built up to the big moment by slowly, slowly lifting the lid and then tossing it aside.

"I'll let you move the tissue paper." He mused.

Ziva took Elijah's hand in hers and she suddenly realised just how fast he was growing up; the hand that couldn't even clasp his fingers around her own index was now almost the same size as hers. She gave his hand a little squeeze and waited as he squeezed hers in response, before she shifted the tissue paper one side at a time, revealing the shoes that were nestled inside. She gasped loudly as she laid eyes on the most beautiful pair of ballet shoes she had ever seen.

"Elijah," she whispered, carefully lifting one shoe from the box and holding it delicately between her thumb and forefinger on each hand as though anything more would damage them. She ran her finger across the soft silky material, feeling the tiny flecks of iridescent glitter catch on her skin, before she carefully touched one finger to the Star on the shoe, and with the other hand, touching her necklace. "These are…" she didn't have a word for them, in either Hebrew or English. "Toda." She managed to whisper.  
>"Al-Lo-Davar." Elijah smiled.<p>

Tony had managed to pick up a few phrases over the years of hearing Ziva teach her tongue to Elijah and he knew she was thanking him and he was telling her she was welcome.

"You want me to put them on for you?" Tony asked.

Ziva nodded. "How did you know?" She turned to Elijah as Tony took the shoe still sitting in the box and pulled back the covers on her bed.

"Dad said you liked to dance, when you were a girl,"

Ziva looked to Tony who didn't bother to look back at her; he knew she was surprised that he had remembered but he recalled everything she said to him, he had it all encased in his mind and his heart.

"And then when I was passing the store and I saw them I knew they would be perfect." He expressed with a happy smile. "Do you like them? Really?"

Ziva turned to her son and pressed her palm to his cheek, brushing her thumb back and forth across his skin.

"I _love_ them." She smiled, leaning forward and pressing her lips to his forehead. She turned back to look at her feet now encased in the perfectly fitting ballet shoes, she had never been happier and heart wrenchingly distressed in the same moment as she was now. The look was clearly etched all across her face because Tony turned to her and asked,

"What's up?"

Ziva shook her head, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to ruin this special moment.

"I just wish I could walk in them."

Tony looked at her lying there on the bed; she had never appeared so vulnerable. He knew that she was just too weak to be able to walk now, he had needed to carry her to the shower for the past few days, she was never going to be able to walk in her new shoes, not even a few steps, and he could see it was all she wanted to do. And then a thought occurred to him.

"You may not be able to walk in them," he said, carefully scooping his arm beneath her.

"Tony? What are you doing?" Ziva asked, as she wrapped her arm around his neck.

"If you can't walk, you _can_ dance in them." He pulled her fully into his arms and swung her legs into the open air.

"But Tony I can not dance,"

"You can't, but I can." He smiled. "Elijah, hit the music player."

Elijah turned to Tony's side of the bed and turned on the music system, a slow song came pouring out of the speakers and Tony began to move his feet back and forth, sweeping Ziva to the sound of the tune.

"May I have this dance?" he whispered with a smile. She wrapped her free arm around his neck pulling her upper body even closer to his, she could feel the beat of his heart against her chest and she relished in the warmth of his skin on hers as she buried her face against his neck, taking in that scent, his scent, the one that hadn't changed in all the years she had known him, the one that she would miss when she was gone.

"Always and forever." She whispered, letting a single tear tumble down her cheek and splash against his shirt. Elijah watched on as tears silently dripped from Tony's closed eyes as he side stepped back and forth around the bedroom as though the two of them were the only people in the world. It was the kind of moment ordinarily you wouldn't sit back and watch, it was a private moment that belonged to just the two of them, but with time running out, he needed to cherish each and every moment that he had left with his mom still in his life.

When the song drew to a close, Tony slowly returned Ziva to the bed, carefully laying her body back on the mattress but keeping his arms wrapped tightly around her; he didn't want this moment to end, he didn't want to have to let her go in more ways than one, but he knew he had to. It was only when she was settled back on the bed and she eventually released her grip on his neck that he opened his eyes again. He wanted to say something, something perfect to make that moment as beautiful for her as it had been for him, but he knew that words would never be enough, instead he settled with the one Hebrew phrase he had perfected to an art.

"Ani hoev otkha."

"I love you too," she whispered back.

Tony stood up right and looked down at Ziva, there was something about her face, something that told him he needed to step out for a moment, and he knew her well enough to pick that up without making her say it.

"I should give you two some space." He smiled. "Do you want something to drink?" he questioned.

Ziva shook her head, but smiled and shot him a "thank you" glance. Tony nodded and stepped outside the door.

Ziva turned around and smiled at her son who was still sitting on the bed.

"Thank you Elijah, the shoes are perfect."

"I'm glad you like them." He smiled happily.

Ziva held out her hand. "Come here baby." She beckoned. She had never been one for pet names, not really, but Elijah would always be her baby, no matter how big he got, but seeing as how she wasn't going to be here much longer, it wasn't like she'd be embarrassing him as a teenager in front of his friends.

Elijah scooched his way across the bed until he was sitting right beside his mom, he lay back and rested against the pillow as she was, and, when she wrapped her arm around him, he nestled into her body and let her stroke the hair on the back of his head with her cold but gentle touch. She could feel her body willing her to drift off into the unconscious sleep world she had spent most of her days inhabiting lately, but she knew she had to be stronger; she needed to say things and this might be her only chance.

"I used to lie like this with you, when you were a baby," Ziva spoke. "Your dad could always get you to sleep, he practically just had to look at you and you were out like a lamp,"

Elijah smiled to himself, he had grown used to his mom's failed idioms over the years and he would miss them when she wasn't around to make them any more.

"I would come home sometimes, or come in from the shower and the two of you would be asleep, you'd be lying on his chest, your arms and legs all splayed out and he'd have one hand on your back with his head drooped to one side sleeping; it was so cute." She grinned to herself at the memory. "I could never get you to do that, you just did not want to sleep for me, so instead I'd lie with you tucked in my arm, like this, and just watch as your little eyes scanned the room, so curious, so hungry for knowledge." She didn't know why she told him that, she thought that perhaps she just wanted to retell the memory for her own benefit, but she was glad she did, he deserved to know that even as a baby she was there for him, like she always would be in the future, in some way or another.

"You know if I could stay I would, yes?" she asked. Elijah nodded his head against her body, he knew, he'd always known this was literally the worst thing that could have happened to her, watching herself slowly shut down with no control, anything would have been better than this.

"I want you to know that I will look out for you, wherever I go after this, I will be watching, I want to see you grow up, I want to watch you graduate high school, I want to see you picking out an engagement ring, I want to see you throw your father a surprise 60th birthday because you know by that age he will be depressed at the wrinkles!" Both Elijah and Ziva laughed knowing she had that spot on, he would be depressed, and she wouldn't be around to smack him on the back of the head and snap him out of it. The two of them giggled together for a few moments before silence and heaviness drew back on the room again; this was supposed to be serious, they shouldn't be laughing.

"I do not want you to be sad," Ziva confessed. "I mean, it is ok to be, if you are, but if something makes you smile, or makes you laugh, then that is ok too, I do not want you to feel like you can not have fun because you are supposed to be sad." She explained.

Elijah didn't lift his head as several tears began to slide from his eyelids down onto his mother's shirt.

"I love you Elijah," she added, her own voice now beginning to waiver and crack, she had promised herself she wouldn't cry, she would stay strong for him, but she hadn't quite grasped just how heart wrenching it was to have to say goodbye to your child, knowing you would soon never see him again. "I have made a lot of mistakes in my life," she continued, giving up on her strong front and letting her tears freely flow down her cheeks. "I have done a lot of things I am not proud of, but you," she reached across her body and took his hand in hers, squeezing it as tightly as she was able to do now, which was barely a tenth of what she had once been able to muster. "You are the best thing I ever did, and you make me so proud to be your mom, I want you to keep that with you, always, wherever you are and whatever you do, know that I am so, so, proud of you." Elijah turned and looked up at her, his own face reflecting the tear stains on hers and he wrapped his arms around her stomach, pressing his head to the top of her chest.

"I'm gonna miss you so much mom." He choked.

"I will miss you too baby." She sobbed, pulling her own arms across his back and holding him tight for what might be the last time. He could feel her hands shaking as she laid her hands on him and adjusted his head so he could hear her heart beating; it sounded so strong, so sure, that it didn't make sense to him that her entire body was failing.

"I don't want you to go." He cried, his voice muffled by sadness.

"I will be with you, always." She replied, stroking one hand over the back of his soft hair.

The two of them stayed that way for a long time; neither of them knew how long exactly, it seemed pointless to count down the time they had left to spend together. When each of them had cried out all of the tears they had to give, Elijah slowly sat up to find his mother had drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

He shifted his body slowly, carefully, away from hers, he didn't want to wake her, she had been through an entire rollercoaster of emotions tonight and it was important she get her rest. He edged himself away from the bed and stepped quietly around to her side. Pressing his lips to her cheek, he kissed her goodnight, and possibly goodbye. As he left the room he bumped into his dad on the way to check on them.

"Hey buddy, you ok?" Tony asked; he could see the swollen red puffiness that framed his eyes and he knew he had been crying, but he wouldn't mention it, he understood and that was all that mattered.

Elijah nodded. "She's sleeping." He spoke flatly.

"You want me to make you some dinner?" Tony asked with a cheerful tone.

Elijah shook his head. "I'm tired, I'm gonna go to bed." He explained, stepping past his father, walking into his bedroom and closing the door firmly behind him.

Tony considered going in after him, talking to him, making sure he was ok, that he understood, but he opted against it; sometimes you just needed time to be alone, and that was what Elijah needed right now.

Tony walked to his bedroom doorway and looked at Ziva sleeping restfully on their bed. He wasn't sure he had accepted that she wouldn't be there for much longer. He couldn't picture a life without her to wake up to each day, a life where she didn't smile at him first thing in the morning, and last thing at night, a life where she didn't mistake simple phrases, or cook up foreign delicacies that nobody had ever heard of. He couldn't picture a life, a whole life, that didn't include her. He pressed his palm to his forehead and closed his eyes momentarily, before walking away from their room; he would have his time to say goodbye, and he knew it needed to be tonight, but he just wasn't ready yet; though if he was honest, he never really would be.


	5. Chapter 5

He sat in the darkened living room for what seemed like forever, time without her didn't pass the way it did when she was by his side; he was going to have to get used to that, an eternal day that never quite seemed to pass, an endless night of restless sleep having nobody beside him when cold set in and his heart began to ache. He looked at his watch, now was as good a time as any, he'd never know the exact words he wanted to say to her, it wouldn't matter if he had the whole lifetime they should get to share to prepare his goodbye, it would never be everything he wanted.

Standing up, he took a deep breath almost to psych himself up, before he turned and wandered in the direction of his bedroom. He hovered in the doorway watching the gentle rise and fall of her chest in the shadow of the room, he hated that she spent all her time sleeping now, both because he missed her, and because he knew that meant the end was near, but as long as he could see her breathing, he would let her sleep for an eternity because at least it meant she was still here, still with him in this world.

Stepping inside he stopped by the side of the bed and brushed her hair from her cheek; the light from the orange street lights outside was just streaming through the gap in the almost closed drapes and the way it highlighted her perfect features almost made it seem like she was herself again, like she was the old Ziva. Leaning down and pressing his lips to her forehead, he whispered a kiss and barely touched his fingertips to her cheek before running his hand lightly down her arm.

"Ziva?" He whispered. She didn't stir. "Ziva?" he tried again, slightly louder this time; he didn't want to have to shake her awake but he knew that he had the courage at this moment in time to tell her all she needed to hear, if he didn't do it now, he would back out, not because he was a coward, but because he didn't want to have to think through all those words he had gone through tonight trying to pick out the perfect ones. "Ziva?" He spoke once more, and this time she let her eyes flutter open.

"Tony?"

"Hey." He smiled. With him looking down on her with that smile, the one that could grant a grin out of the hardest faced people, she felt safe and loved, and she smiled back at him, trying to hide the pain she felt in her heart that she would be leaving that face behind.

"Hi." She whispered back.

"How you feeling?"

Ziva shrugged, it was a stupid question really and he knew it, but it was just one of those questions you had to ask.

"I though, maybe, now would be a good time to… you know… talk." He said. He couldn't bring himself to say this was their time for goodbye, she knew that as well as he did and that was good enough. She nodded, her face grave and serious; this had been something the two of them had put off saying for a long time, hoping, praying even, for a miracle they knew was never going to come. He made his way around the bed and climbed on his side, intertwining his warm fingers with hers.

"Before we… before that," she spoke softly. "I have some things I want to tell you, about Elijah." Tony turned on his side and propped himself up with his elbow, when it came to his son, he had all the attention and time in the world.

"Shoot." He said.

"I told him, he does not have to be sad." She began. "If he wants to laugh, to go out with his friends and have fun, then you are to let him, he is young, too young to waste his life being upset about me, he will deal with it, somehow, somewhere along the way he will and you will all be there for him when he does deal with it, but if his way involves laughing and playing then let him."

Tony nodded, he hadn't cried when his own mother died, in fact, he still hadn't, in all the years after her death not one single tear had fallen from his eyes at her memory, and not because he didn't love her, or because they weren't close, just because that was his way of dealing with it.

"I have written him a birthday card," Ziva began, her voice a little wavy; this was hard for her. "One for every year until he turns 18." She pointed to a drawer on the dresser. "They are all in the one with my shirts, just so you know, when you throw everything out I want to make sure you do not throw them too."

Tony shook his head.

"I could never throw out all your things." He spoke, genuinely hurt that she could think that of him.

"Do." She replied, squeezing his fingers in hers. "I want you to get rid of everything, you will not need it, it will only be here taking up space."

"Ziva, I-"

"Tony, do not argue with a dying woman." She laughed, but she could see from the horror on his face that he didn't find it so funny; this was the first time either of them had openly addressed that she was dying. "Lighten up," she smiled, ruffling her hand against his hair. "We can not change it, so we may as well accept it." He dropped her gaze and looked to their entwined hands, carefully moving his fingers against hers. "So I have written him one for each year, they are all labeled, I want to be a part of his birthday, of his life, I have written things for him and I want you to know so you can give them to him."

"I will." Tony nodded. "I promise."

The two of them shared a mutual smile, filled with both love and heartbreak.

"I do not want him going to R rated movies until he is at least 15, and that is only if you go with him, they are rated R for a reason, and I know what you are like, he will ask you and you will say yes because you have to be the fun parent, with me gone you have to fill both roles and I say 15, so 15 it is."

Tony laughed, it was true; he probably would take Elijah to an R movie now if he asked, just to keep him happy, he liked being the fun parent, but he was going to have to accept more responsibility now.

"And I know that teenagers go through those phases, but please, please do not let him be one of those Goths or epos."

"Emo's." Tony corrected with a smile.

"Whatever, I do not want him wearing that crazy eye make up."

"Noted." Tony grinned, he loved that she had thought this through; only Ziva!

"And then there is the matter of girls," She raised her eyebrows at Tony and he couldn't hold back the laugh that escaped his lips. "Do not laugh Anthony DiNozzo, this is serious!" She scorned, but even she could barely contain the smile threatening to break out on her face.

"Ok, ok, serious, go for it." Tony said, stifling more laughter and diverting his gaze so he wouldn't laugh again.

"I want you to raise him to respect women, I want him to treat them right, to be considerate of their feelings and to recognize that they are not objects, basically teach him everything opposite to what you are."

"Hey!"

"What you were." She corrected.

"Thank you." Tony nodded, it was true that she had been the one to change him, she had made him want to be a better person, and that was what made saying goodbye that much harder. "Promise me you will look after him Tony." She said, her voice grave.

"I promise." He said with nothing but honesty in his tone. "With everything I am and all that I have, I will raise him the way you would have done."

Ziva shook her head. "Like _we_ would have." She corrected.

Tony nodded, his face stoic.

"He will make you proud."

"He already does." She smiled. "He has always been your boy, but he will always be my son, I will be proud of him no matter what, make sure he knows that."

Tony nodded; if the only thing he ever told Elijah about Ziva was that, it would be enough.

"Ten years," Ziva reminisced. "It does not seem like five minutes ago that we…" She trailed off, biting her bottom lip with her teeth.

"I know… it's not enough, Ziva." Tony confessed. "Ten years, that's nothing, when you find someone who you can just _be_ with, when you find someone who makes you feel so… you make me so happy Ziva, when you find your soul mate you are supposed to have an eternity,"

"We have had our eternity Tony, our eternity is coming to an end." Her voice was cracking now; she wasn't even going to bother fighting back the inevitable.

Tony shook his head vigorously, if only to try and stop her from seeing the tears falling from his own eyes.

"No, no, our eternity is only just beginning, ten years, ten years is not an eternity, it's not even a long time, I'm not ready to say goodbye yet, I'm not ready to let you go." He clutched at her hand and looked into her eyes as they both let the salty water trail down their faces and haphazardly fall onto the sheets beneath them.

"And I am?" She replied, each word choked out with a sob. "I have never had anyone accept me for no other reason than just being me, but who I am, what I did, that did not matter to you. You are the strangest and most wonderful person I have ever met and I can not picture a world without you, but I have had ten years with you, really _with_ you, and five of those never should have been. We have made the absolute most of our time together Tony, and as much as it kills me to say goodbye, to let you go, I know I have to do it." She pressed her free hand to his chest, feeling the hot tears splash against her skin as she moved. She could feel his heart pacing fast, hard beneath her touch, he lifted his free hand and pressed it on top of hers, delicately stroking the skin on the back of her hand. "I love you Tony." She breathed breathlessly; he met her eyes with his and only just managed not to look away after seeing the distress on her face. "I will always love you, and I will be with you forever, if you want me to be."

He nodded, letting his own tears fall against her skin.

"Always." He choked. "I want you with me always."

"Then I will be." She smiled.

Tony moved his hand up to her face and rested his palm softly against her cheek, letting her tears soak his skin. He wiped his thumb beneath her one eye and cleared a fresh pathway for the new tears to fall; in the whole time he had known her he had seen her cry only twice, and never to this extent, his heart literally ached to see her this way. He leant in, closed his eyes and pushed his lips to hers and kissed her, really kissed her, for what he knew was going to be the final time. Feeling their lips melt against one another, feeling that buzz of electricity, that spark pulse through his entire body, the feeling he had got from each and every embrace they ever shared was enough to make him want to capture this one moment and live in it for the rest of forever. She was his and he was hers, they were together and nothing and no-one else mattered, if he could pick only one moment to remember about her, this would be it, the way she kissed, so passionate, so free, like she had never kissed before and never would again.

It took all of the strength he had within him to finally pull away, to finally break up his last real taste of her, his last real touch, but he still had things to say and he knew from the way her body was beginning to droop under his touch, that she was growing tired and his time was wearing thin.

"You know that if it weren't for Elijah I'd go right along with you," Tony confessed. "I wouldn't want to be alone in a world without you." His voice was more broken than she had ever heard it before, he was hurting and she could see it and it was her fault; that pained her; there was an aching right above her heart that wasn't caused by the poison shutting down her system, this was an ache that no form of painkillers could ever render mute, this was going to scream at her for the rest of her life, however long that was, and maybe even after.

"You would never be alone," she commented. "You will always have our friends," and then she laughed through all the tears and sadness. "And a steady stream of women waiting to throw themselves at you when I'm gone!"

Tony laughed and sniffed while shaking his head.

"No," he grinned before turning his face more serious. "There will be nobody after you." A part of her felt filled with elation, to know that you meant so much to somebody that they would be willing to spend their life alone if you were gone was somewhat of an ego booster, but she couldn't let him do that.

"You have my blessing." She spoke gently, taking his hand in hers. "You do not deserve to be alone forever, as much as I want you to!" she laughed. "It would be selfish, and besides, when Elijah goes to college you are going to need someone to feed the surplus food to since you always make too much!"

"I'll just get really, really fat!" Tony confessed with a laugh. Ziva touched his face and then pressed her lips to the back of his hand.

"I would still love you." She confided.

The two of them descended into silence, listening only to the sounds of each others' breathing, though she was pretty sure she could hear his heart beating in his chest, that beautiful heart that he had hidden from so many for so long; she was glad he had let her see it.

Tony maneuvered himself in the bed so he was lying with her resting in the crook of his arm, her head leaning against his chest, one arm wrapped around her, her hand clasped within it, and the other gently running his fingertips across her skin. They stayed that way for a long time, with her drifting in and out of sleep, each time she woke up Tony had more words of love, of comfort, of heart break to share with her, it was as though each time she fell asleep he was terrified it would be her last and he wanted the last words she heard to be of love and devotion.

As her eyes fluttered open one more time he bowed his head and kissed her forehead.

"If I could trade with you, I'd do it in a heartbeat." He whispered. "I'd take away all your pain and make sure you never felt anything bad ever again. I wish it was me, Ziva, I really wish it was me."

Ziva twisted her head looked him right in the eyes, or at least the glinting flecks she could see reflecting in the dim light.

"I do not." she confessed. "You can go on without me, but I could not, not without you, not now."

"Ziva, that's ridiculous, you are the strongest person I know, you-"

"I was." She corrected. "Until I finally let myself love, for real. If you were to go, it would be the end of me."  
>"So how do you think I feel?" Tony spat seemingly angry that she could think he would be ok after this. "If that's what you feel, what do you think this is like for me? I love you Ziva, I have maybe loved one other time before, maybe, and that was nothing on this. Watching you get worse, get weaker, it takes everything I have not to fall apart everyday, and that's only because it takes longer to put yourself back together when you do. I can't… I can't live a life without you in it, I don't want to."<p>

"But you have to." She finished, tears pooling against the material of his shirt. "You have to keep going, to be strong, not only for Elijah but for me, I do not want you to spend the rest of your life miserable."  
>"And I would want that for you?" Tony asked, she didn't seem to be grasping that what she would feel if this were him, was exactly what he was going through.<p>

"No, but I can not leave here knowing that I have made you unhappy, that I have ruined your life. I need to go knowing that you can move on, tell me you will at least try Tony?"

Tony wiped at his eyes and exhaled a deep breath before licking his lips and brushing a few tears from her face.

"You could never make me unhappy." He confessed to her. "Every day with you has been the best day-"

"Tony," Ziva begged, knowing he was about to burst into another round of why he hated that she was going, like she was doing it by choice, but instead he surprised her.

"If it's what you want, I will get on with life, I will move on, I'm not promising when, but someday, I will find someone else who makes me happy, who makes me feel alive again, but it will take somebody very special for that to happen. But, if it's what you want, I'll do it; for you."

_For you._ The very words he spoke to her years ago, before they were even together, the very words that suggested she meant more to him than just a colleague.

"It is, it is what I want."

Tony nodded and retook her hand in his and waited for her to begin to drift off into sleep.

"I love you Ziva." He whispered; if this was the last time she fell, he wanted that to be the last she heard from him. He felt her hand tighten around his and then loosen as she succumbed to sleep.

Tony didn't want to sleep, not yet, he needed to cherish this moment with her in his arms for as long as he could, for all that it was, and it was a perfect moment.

After some time had passed he looked to the clock on his bedside table; it was 12:34 on December 25th.

"Hey, you made it to see Christmas." Tony whispered, barely audibly, he didn't want to wake her, not this time. He searched his mind for that phrase, the one she had taught him to wish Elijah on his first Christmas.

"Hag hamolad sameah." He finished with a smile. "Merry Christmas my love." And then he allowed himself to drift into sleep.

* * *

><p>The next few days passed in a seemingly non-existent space in time. The usual excitement of Christmas had been marred by their situation. Ziva woke just long enough to see Elijah open his new bike, to watch the elation cross his little face, to see his eyes light up, and then she had returned to her peaceful sleep world, where the pains of her body could not affect her any longer.<p>

Two days later as Elijah finally reached his tenth birthday; he sat beside his sleeping mother while he opened his cards and presents. He gleefully explained what each gift was and read her every card, he wasn't going to let her unconsciousness ruin family tradition, and she wouldn't have wanted that either. But come 10pm Tony sensed that her time was almost over. He asked Elijah if he wanted to be around when Ziva finally left but he declined; he wanted to remember his mom for the person she was, strong, fun and fiercely independent. They had said their goodbyes and he was happy with that.

Tony had called McGee who came over immediately to pick up Elijah; he stopped in the room to say a final farewell to the woman who had brought him nothing but fear for the first few months of her time at NCIS until he found her softer and gentle side, before taking Elijah back to his home.

Tony sat with Ziva, her hand clasped in his, stroking her forehead with his free hand, and running his thumb over the back of her hand while still clutching it tight. He had held this very hand when she brought Elijah into the world ten years ago and he wouldn't let go as she left it tonight.

"You can let go now," he whispered, wiping a tear from his face with the back of his hand. "It's ok to let go."

At ten minutes past midnight on December 28th, he sat beside her as she drew her last breath, she hung on so as not to ruin Elijah's birthdays for the rest of his life, of that Tony was sure. As she took that last shallow breath, Tony held his own, waiting for the inevitable exhale, and the nothing that followed it, only silence and darkness. She had come into his life at a time of tragedy and now that she had gone she was leaving him in the same way. For a brief moment he considered if he would have let her in if he knew this would be the outcome; this empty feeling, this pain in his chest, this heavy weight that he was sure he would bare for the rest of his life; that missing piece of his soul, the piece he had unknowingly given her, that she had taken with her, would he want to face this all over again? He barely needed to consider it though, if he knew from day one he would have this time and not a day more, he would give it all to her each and every day, because just one gloriously happy day with her at his side was more than some people got in an entire life. She made him a better person, she changed him in ways he could only now begin to see, to understand, and he knew that for the rest of his life he would be nothing but grateful that she had chosen to spend her time with him.

After what seemed like hours clutching her hand until it barely felt real to him any more, he pushed himself to his feet and touched his lips to her luke warm forehead, one final kiss goodbye.

As a tear slid from his cheek and splashed against her skin, he smiled to himself; this would be the part in the movie where her eyes would flutter open, where she would look up to him and smile, throw her arms around him and pull herself into his arms, resurrected by true love; but this was not a movie, there was no script, no magical come back, she was gone, now and forever and he was about to embark upon a life without her in it, a life no movie ever seemed to cover correctly; that emptiness of the heart, that stomach churning feeling, like you'd been punched in the gut, like you wanted to vomit and like a thousand butterflies had been set loose inside of you; he was going to have to live with that for the rest of his life.

When he finally pulled away from her and rested her hand on top of her stomach, he leant back down to her ear.

"LeHitra'ot." He whispered, bidding her goodbye. "Safe trip," he continued. "I'll see you there someday." He confessed. And with that, he turned his back and walked away from the bedroom, closing the door behind him, leaving her to rest for one final time.

* * *

><p><span>AN: So, that marks the end of this fic. I want to thank every single person who has read it, and a huge, huge thankyou to everyone who has reviewed it, I am completly speechless from all of your kind words! I hope this final chapter lived up to your expectations! And, I'd like to wish you all a very Merry Christmas :o) !


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